Tag Archives: World Cup

TOP 10 MOST WANTED MEN IN GHANA

I checked the Ghana Police website for a list like this one and I saw a link on the CID page that opened to nothing. So, I decided to put my own head to it and see who Ghanaians want to get arrested. You can’t disagree.

1.  VINCENT KUAGBENU

 

"Look at his face" a friend said.
"Look at his face" a friend said.

 

This man was not even popular until last week. But since National Service postings came up, and everyone started asking for who was in charge of the apparent mess, his fame has spread all across the land. He can test his popularity by running for president, even. Here is a man who believes in a 700 acre plot of land that the service has prepared for all those who thought they were doing the state any good by going to school. Right after you get your service letter, get a cutlass as well and follow Mr Kuagbenu into the bush for a class on weeding. If you can find him, that is!!!

2. ATO KWAMENA DADZIE

 

He doesn't even look troublesome. Try him!!
He doesn't even look troublesome. Try him!!

 

I’m very certain that Ato himself will not be surprised to find himself on this list. A man who so believes in stretching his freedom of expression and has succeeded in convincing the Multimedia Group to give him a slot on the Saturday Weekend City Show on Joy FM where he can make full fun of all the people who call the shots in the country.  His CV includes having been detained by the BNI for apparently talking too much and in the process, “causing fear and panic”, a phrase he made the whole JOY crew fall in love with. Some fine unassuming man too. You won’t believe he is the most mischievous man on air. Right after being let off the hook, he has started a campaign to constitutionally rule out the ex-gratia that most of the big men, who are after him, live on after their service to the beloved country. Wait until you hear how he cackles about it all. Most wanted!!

3. ANAS AREMEYAW ANAS

 

Anas, bring them out and let's make fun of them
Anas, bring them out and let's make fun of them

 

Anas is wanted by a growing list of (excuse me to say) hoodlums. This guy is your average ‘chuka’, and Sharon Abbey at the Osu Children’s home knows so much about him. He had a stint at the Psychiatric Hospital and when he left, the authorities there were licking their wounds. He was there the whole time as a mad man and their education was not so advanced as to diagnose that he was a fake. Then he left and went to the border where one CEPS man was boasting all over the secret filming that he makes more money out of the bribes than the government can pay him. Crap! Afterwards, a certain Hajia Barikisu from Mali had been visiting the Osu Home with another secret camera that Mrs Abbey had no idea about. The outcome was horrific and the government wants answers. Still, not many know what in the name of (?#) Anas looks like. If the CEPS, Psychiatric Hospital and Osu Home people get a hold of this man, eh? Putting ‘innocent’ parents into serious trouble!!!

4. DR. ALFRED OKO VANDERPUIJE (MAYOR OF ACCRA)

 

Wait until the women catch you!!
Wait until the women catch you!!

 

This morning, Ato Kwamena was asking what at all is inside this man’s beard?

The class of people who want to lay hold of him is alarming. The street hawkers and Makola market woman of Accra. This over-zealous man has driven all of them away from the streets and taken their small chop money away…and if you know the average size of one Makola woman, you’ll say a prayer thanking God for the continuous protection on this man’s life.

5. JOHN KUFUOR

 

Who is he laughing at?
Who is he laughing at?

 

How can the country’s just out-gone president be among the most wanted men? Let me try and justify this one.

If you are a parent who will have to squeeze out an extra year of pay for an extra year of senior secondary school for your son or you are still waiting to know when at all the schools will reopen to admit your daughter in the first year, then I guess it is a serious crime enough that Mr Kufuor decided to make the whole SSS thing a four-year (or)deal without first asking you about it. And on top of that, he didn’t even build the classrooms for it.

You won’t forgive me if I take him off this list, will you?

6. IGP PAUL TAWIAH QUAYE

 

Mr Policeman. When are you going to say "Enough is enough"?
Mr Policeman. When are you going to say "Enough is enough"?

 

The Inspector General of Police has a lot of clean-up to do. He is wanted by no less bodies than the Internal Revenue Service and the Highway Authority. His crime? His officers make more money on the same stretch of road than the two bodies put together, from tolls and all. And the most painful part: they don’t even pay tax on it. What a shame!!

7. GHANA COMMERCIAL BANK Boss

 

We swerve you better
We swerve you better

 

Did you realise that I didn’t even write his name? I don’t know it. And I won’t even go through the trouble to google it. This man is wanted without even knowing it. With a bank that boasts 157 branches nationwide, it is no secret that if anybody shouts on the streets of Jamestown that “Here comes the GCB boss”, the person would have as well set up a mad rush to be the first to land a blow on his nose. So help him, God!!

8. GHANA BROADCASTING CORPORATION BOSS

I can’t even find a picture of them online!!

The only thing that GBC can boast of after 75 years of existence is that they are the only station with nationwide coverage. If it were another station like Metro or TV3 around for 75 years, they will rival SABC. Need I say more?

I will say more! If they want to know, they are the only people who were excited about their anniversary.  A TV station that spends half of the day showing clips of the most annoying movies made into music and other music clips that take me and you nowhere in terms of quality, and then, the other half of the day struggling to keep up with their announced time schedule of programmes. GBC has never been on time and it’s just about time that somebody gets sent to Nsawam to serve time for forcing us all to endure such crap in programming.

9. ARABA TAGOE (Deputy Western Regional Women’s Organiser of the NDC)

 

Political people: try defining them...
Political people: try defining them...

 

For a woman to make the list of Ghana’s Top 10 most wanted MEN leaves so much to be desired. Is she that good?

You will only understand if you listened to her on air this morning.

Firstly, she is Fante. And she calls herself Alaba Tagoe.

Next, you would have loved to hear her over and over again shout all over the radio this morning, “I am not a cocaine! I am not a cocaine!!”

Auntie Araba! Nobody said you were.

10. LUIS SUAREZ

 

The man we all love to hate
The man we all love to hate

 

I think Luis Suarez was born a goalkeeper who only discovered his talents so late in life. If he dares even fly anywhere over Ghana’s air space eh,….hm!!!

Advertisements

Ghana gonna garner Gunner

It’s a late pm right now and most of Ghana is asleep. Ok, my mum is not! She’s walking her tired self all over the corridor and I can hear her stroll to her room. Aside that, all is peace and quiet (if I am not typing).

I’m inside Ghana. We love to call it GH, and it’s been a wonderful season past with all the football action and everybody rubbing it on as how much of a talented bunch we all are. Ma guy, it was only 23 players giving the rest of us 23million a good name. We can’t kick a thing, even though we’ll accept the extra weight that our contributions carry at football debates. It’s a good time to be Ghanaian.

Yesterday, news came in that Asamoah Gyan, who we affectionately (how boring!) call ‘Baby Jet’ is on his way to Sunderland in a record move. More to be pleased about. Following Essien’s partial and Appiah’s irreversible retirements, this is good news. He’ll be leading an attack that will be supported at the back by comrade John Mensah (the Rock of Gibraltar; where do we get these names anyway?). We love them like that.

The Baby Jet
Asamoah Gyan

So if anyone thought I’ll be talking about Arsenal because Gunner appears in my title, I’m sorely sorry. That word is English. My favourite team Chelsea has blasted in 14 goals already this season and has conceded none but that still doesn’t make them my blogging taste at this hour. Today, I’m showing some love for the Black stars and then we can talk about other teams later, if we ever do.

The day Ghana beat the U.S in the round of sixteen in S.A., I was in Kumasi. That is Ghana’s football capital, if you need a telling at all. So what did the Sianos do? There were traffic queues of happy-horn-tooting taxi drivers who forgot momentarily that they were supposed to be making money on that fuel. The flags draped the cars in all majesty and showed what a truly patriotic army we have on our roads. People hitched free rides on taxis all in the name of celebrating the team. Police men (?!) joined the party. One bar at Susuanso was over-run with drinkers. You know what? They borrowed from the other bars to meet their demands. Ghana for you!!! Everybody felt the GH attitude. We turned and baptized ourselves with our high hospitality reserved primely for visitors. It was a great time to be Ghanaian, it was a great time to wear the replica Ghana jersey. For Asamoah Gyan’s sweet goal sake, it was  a great time to meet at the bar.

So in the plenty discourse that went on at that meet, I gathered, most fondly that, many Ghanaian girls had found love again in Dede Ayew (man-of-the-match) and Kevin-Prince Boateng (first goal scorer). You know how we go crazy about these things especially if you are a certain Junior Agogo. He’s why I said ‘love again’. They’ll love you alright. And even send their beautiful daughters (whom they’ve been saving from the rest of the neighbourhood) to your door-step, asking for a dowry…until you start to flop it. What a waste! I’m smiling.

So, today, it’s good news that Asamoah is going to Sunderland, where we can keep our eyes on him and gloat over him all we can. The French league meant that we were not seeing him much; the EPL is in almost every home. When he plays against any team, once there is no Ghanaian in that other and once no die-hard allegiance be already formed, 23million of us are going to love our Baby Jet all the way to the clouds, and watch him bang in goal after goal after goal after goal. Cheers already!

It’s a few minutes to Tuesday (more like today is on the brink of tomorrow), and by the weekend, all our boys will converge on Lombamba in sacrifice of the Swazi national team. We are beginning the next round of qualifiers for CAN 2012 and with coach Milo (there we go again; the man’s name is Milovan!!! aaba!) having signed a new deal to take us all the way to the next world cup in Brazil 2014 if he be alive (so help him, God!), we are all keeping our jerseys washed and ready because there is going to be a party all through to the finals. Well, we hope! In GH, we have become accustomed to the world cup and anything short of a knockout round berth is a failure. Wait, wait, wait! Let’s qualify first. In fact, let’s play Africa first. We all know we’ll be smiling to the world cup but right now, let’s dust it all up and invite everybody else to the party. Aha ayɛ dɛdɛɛɛdɛ.

Got a vuvulani (ei! sorry ooo), vuvuzela already? You might just need one. I’m off to bed.