I checked the Ghana Police website for a list like this one and I saw a link on the CID page that opened to nothing. So, I decided to put my own head to it and see who Ghanaians want to get arrested. You can’t disagree.
1. VINCENT KUAGBENU
This man was not even popular until last week. But since National Service postings came up, and everyone started asking for who was in charge of the apparent mess, his fame has spread all across the land. He can test his popularity by running for president, even. Here is a man who believes in a 700 acre plot of land that the service has prepared for all those who thought they were doing the state any good by going to school. Right after you get your service letter, get a cutlass as well and follow Mr Kuagbenu into the bush for a class on weeding. If you can find him, that is!!!
2. ATO KWAMENA DADZIE
I’m very certain that Ato himself will not be surprised to find himself on this list. A man who so believes in stretching his freedom of expression and has succeeded in convincing the Multimedia Group to give him a slot on the Saturday Weekend City Show on Joy FM where he can make full fun of all the people who call the shots in the country. His CV includes having been detained by the BNI for apparently talking too much and in the process, “causing fear and panic”, a phrase he made the whole JOY crew fall in love with. Some fine unassuming man too. You won’t believe he is the most mischievous man on air. Right after being let off the hook, he has started a campaign to constitutionally rule out the ex-gratia that most of the big men, who are after him, live on after their service to the beloved country. Wait until you hear how he cackles about it all. Most wanted!!
3. ANAS AREMEYAW ANAS
Anas is wanted by a growing list of (excuse me to say) hoodlums. This guy is your average ‘chuka’, and Sharon Abbey at the Osu Children’s home knows so much about him. He had a stint at the Psychiatric Hospital and when he left, the authorities there were licking their wounds. He was there the whole time as a mad man and their education was not so advanced as to diagnose that he was a fake. Then he left and went to the border where one CEPS man was boasting all over the secret filming that he makes more money out of the bribes than the government can pay him. Crap! Afterwards, a certain Hajia Barikisu from Mali had been visiting the Osu Home with another secret camera that Mrs Abbey had no idea about. The outcome was horrific and the government wants answers. Still, not many know what in the name of (?#) Anas looks like. If the CEPS, Psychiatric Hospital and Osu Home people get a hold of this man, eh? Putting ‘innocent’ parents into serious trouble!!!
4. DR. ALFRED OKO VANDERPUIJE (MAYOR OF ACCRA)
This morning, Ato Kwamena was asking what at all is inside this man’s beard?
The class of people who want to lay hold of him is alarming. The street hawkers and Makola market woman of Accra. This over-zealous man has driven all of them away from the streets and taken their small chop money away…and if you know the average size of one Makola woman, you’ll say a prayer thanking God for the continuous protection on this man’s life.
5. JOHN KUFUOR
How can the country’s just out-gone president be among the most wanted men? Let me try and justify this one.
If you are a parent who will have to squeeze out an extra year of pay for an extra year of senior secondary school for your son or you are still waiting to know when at all the schools will reopen to admit your daughter in the first year, then I guess it is a serious crime enough that Mr Kufuor decided to make the whole SSS thing a four-year (or)deal without first asking you about it. And on top of that, he didn’t even build the classrooms for it.
You won’t forgive me if I take him off this list, will you?
6. IGP PAUL TAWIAH QUAYE
The Inspector General of Police has a lot of clean-up to do. He is wanted by no less bodies than the Internal Revenue Service and the Highway Authority. His crime? His officers make more money on the same stretch of road than the two bodies put together, from tolls and all. And the most painful part: they don’t even pay tax on it. What a shame!!
7. GHANA COMMERCIAL BANK Boss
Did you realise that I didn’t even write his name? I don’t know it. And I won’t even go through the trouble to google it. This man is wanted without even knowing it. With a bank that boasts 157 branches nationwide, it is no secret that if anybody shouts on the streets of Jamestown that “Here comes the GCB boss”, the person would have as well set up a mad rush to be the first to land a blow on his nose. So help him, God!!
8. GHANA BROADCASTING CORPORATION BOSS
I can’t even find a picture of them online!!
The only thing that GBC can boast of after 75 years of existence is that they are the only station with nationwide coverage. If it were another station like Metro or TV3 around for 75 years, they will rival SABC. Need I say more?
I will say more! If they want to know, they are the only people who were excited about their anniversary. A TV station that spends half of the day showing clips of the most annoying movies made into music and other music clips that take me and you nowhere in terms of quality, and then, the other half of the day struggling to keep up with their announced time schedule of programmes. GBC has never been on time and it’s just about time that somebody gets sent to Nsawam to serve time for forcing us all to endure such crap in programming.
9. ARABA TAGOE (Deputy Western Regional Women’s Organiser of the NDC)
For a woman to make the list of Ghana’s Top 10 most wanted MEN leaves so much to be desired. Is she that good?
You will only understand if you listened to her on air this morning.
Firstly, she is Fante. And she calls herself Alaba Tagoe.
Next, you would have loved to hear her over and over again shout all over the radio this morning, “I am not a cocaine! I am not a cocaine!!”
Auntie Araba! Nobody said you were.
10. LUIS SUAREZ
I think Luis Suarez was born a goalkeeper who only discovered his talents so late in life. If he dares even fly anywhere over Ghana’s air space eh,….hm!!!