Tag Archives: Barcamp

Go Volunteer the thing! Saturday shall not pass you by! #NVDay

Volunteer tinz
Volunteer tinz

So what are you doing on Saturday 21st? Nothing? You mean you will wake up, drag your lazy behind to look for Hausa kooko and koose, come and eat and then go back to sleep some more? Naa, you better be serious! Saturday is National Volunteer Day and it’s better you find some good to get your fingers dirty in, you lazy punk!

Ha! So talk of volunteering! I was in this guest house in Congo where it’s some women’s job to clean up and help anything we will need. I don’t ask them to do anything for me, me naa, I don’t like that! But one Saturday morning, one of them caught a volunteer spirit and when she saw I had put some rice on fire for my brunch, she hopped on it. “Oh, let me cook it for you, don’t worry, sit back and let me do it! Come back in 30 when it’s done!” I couldn’t even protest, I was like..ah! are you…ok! Ok? Lol

So she did my cooking, chale! Let me cut this story short na the memory kraa kills my volunteer vim. She cooked something like starch!!

Oh chale, starch oo! How a hungry me paa will come and find butter-soft rice sitting in the kitchen that somebody’s grown up mama has supposedly finished up as ready-to-eat, I couldn’t understand. I said a prayer for what Christmas jollof tastes like in her house!

So that is that! Did I tell you what the Ethiopians said they will do to the Nigerians? You know that the two countries have been paired to try and eliminate the other from qualifying from the World Cup next year, eh? The Ethiopians said they will send one troski-load of their world-famous pretty girls to go and catwalk in Nigeria players’ faces. Konfuse them and let them play nonsense so that their boys will win the right to the World Cup place..lol. Talk about volunteering spirit gone amiss.

So if you want to join the National Volunteer ‘thingy’, berra hurry yourself up and check out all the stuff going down on Saturday at nvday13.eventbrite.com. Unless you live under a mushroom, there’s bound to be one close to you! Or follow #NVDay anywhere a hashtag works. I think those guys at GhanaThink are just fabulous, aloo? They have turned a meaningless celebration of Kwame Nkrumah’s birthday into a volunteer movement as if all the Barcamp  Barcamp ish is not enough. Heeeyyy, go back and click on the link! The two Barcamp links. All are different things! Lazy punk won’t even take his time to read..smh! Smack Abocco on the back when you meet him in town for me, eh? Thank you!

So I’m out.

I’m not joining the volunteer day myself, and so what? Is it your concern? M’ada kraa! I will be flying into good old Accra on Saturday and just take it that I will be the one sleeping your morning sleep for you while you go round and dig worms, plant trees, sweep people’s backyards and share a hearty spirit one with another in the name of volunteering! Oya, be on your way!

ORIGINAL NOKIA BATTERY, PEN-DRIVE, MEMORY CARD, CARD READER, PROMOTION

You know what I‘m going to talk about, right? Yep, me too!!

There are some Oriental-looking kids who seem to have cousins in every city of Ghana that I have visited! They sit with their moms in a small circle and plot till they see a suitable prey and then they strike. When you pass by their little army headquarters and their mothers set them on you, these children will hold you, hug you, tug at you, pull you, follow you, just do anything to turn the world upside down on you till you give them a coin, a note, anything! The thing is, they look poor: dirty, unwashed, unkempt. And to think that their mothers couldn’t look after the first born but went on to have the second and then the third born to increase her little battalion of bandits, make them a real sight to behold from a distance while they fleece it off someone…lol. I have seen these kids at work in Kumasi, and they look exactly like those I saw in Takoradi. Those in the different parts of Accra deɛɛ, sometimes when I see some at Circle and they are able to embarrass me till I squeeze a few pesewas from my pocket, I feel like beating the crap out of those I meet at Achimota right after picking a cab, thinking “aren’t you the kids I just gave money at Circle??” Their mothers may be sisters!

Defend Yourself
Defend Yourself

Oh, but some Americans too can be shameful papa! On Black Friday, when all American shops oblige to beat down the prices of all goods on sale, there is usually a fat rush to get previously expensive goods on the cheap. In Ghana, that is what we call a PROMOTION…‘donkomi’, when you get to Makola. They are promoting you, your money, their shop, their goods, just come and buy oo, come and buy. Last week, while people were heckling each other to stay ahead in the queue to get the cheap stuff first, one woman just pulled a can of pepper spray like the apocalypse was here. She blessed, anointed and baptised the rest of her queue-mates with it, no mercy for dessert! Oh, their lives were never the same again. I guess she may have wished each of them a Merry Christmas as well while the security people bundled her away. The height of greed, as if America is not the world’s richest economy! Kindergarten kids koraa have stopped that. So 20th Century!

I was getting home from the mall yesterday when I picked a trotro at Legon. Some dude who kept repeating his name “Michael Acheampong, Michael Acheampong” was standing in this trotro and he told us his whole life’s story in that short period till I alighted. He had been stubborn, disobedient to his parents and had been sent to serve time in Nsawam Prisons for robbery! In the cells, they were served a fist-size of banku as lunch and the soup was a sorry apology to cuisine. In all his stubborn days, he wouldn’t listen. On the day he was thrown into jail, his dad told him he was on his own and shouldn’t expect any visits from him. His mother was more merciful, making sure he had a ration of gari every month! He, Michael, where was he going to keep this gari even? And if it got picked, anybody and everybody was a suspect!! Who was he going to ask if who has seen his gari?? Nsawam is like Ghana’s maximum security detention facility for those who don’t know. People frown at you all day over there like you are the one who read out their prison sentence. He went everywhere, and he means EVERYWHERE, with his gari. And at 4a.m., he would wake up and swap some of his gari with an inmate’s sugar and they would eat! He always gave out his banku, never developing the stomach to eat it. He fasted for days! The government will bring them bags of beans but it never, ever ends up in their food! When it does, it is like five little round ones ground in a cup of water. He lived in hell. But he was able to find pardon and escaped that horrible place, where he says people are gay out of no choice of theirs. That is ‘payment’ for the little pleasantries and semi-luxuries they can afford from each other!! For those who have no gari to pay with!

He survived that place and wants us all to obey our parents oo. He said all this in a trotro and I thought that sharing it here, you people might also hear it and that would give his message meaning!

Ok, just like those little kids who heckle you for money, EVERY town or city in Ghana has a joint where some young dudes sell you the items in the title. And they seem to be on a January-to-December promotion!! You can hear loud speakers blurting it from every corner you turn; “Original Nokia battery, pen-drive, memory card, card-reader, promotion” as if the ‘promotion’ is also an item for sale! And they may not even have all the items oo. It seems someone just recorded the thing and they play it saa, like music. Even orange sellers koraa will be playing…ok, ok, I’ve stopped!!

I’m going for Barcamp Ho today. I hope you will attend Barcamp Ghana on the 17th of December in Accra if you can make it. Between now and then you deɛɛ, just obey your parents, eh? And stay off the streets! The Christmas rush-drivers are back!