Category Archives: Opinions

Everybody’s got one.

One silly boy, that awesome childhood and a Golden Baobab Prize

I have some very silly old school mates paa. Like Yaw. Imagine last time on our group Whatsapp chat he asked us whether any of us had read some Enid Blyton book bi so that he can crack a joke based on the story. See his silly self. Nobody had heard of it kraa let alone read it. He spent his little years in England and he thinks Ghanaian basic education teachers have time for snow and winter and anything else apart from Jack and Jill (the poem) and A lion (the poem).  We’re busy watching By The Fireside and kwasasa aa, wo se Enid Blyton.

So I asked him, herh you Yaw, what do you know about Ananse and how any of his children came by their names? He offered up a warped spelling of Etikelekele that I forgave him for. Does he know what it feels like to go to bed dreaming of Okonore Yaa? Does he have any idea about swallowing of Yams through an armpit, like the replacement wife God gave Ananse? He can’t be serious asking about Enid Blyton.

StorytellingEnid Blyton my hard Ghanaian foot!! Where was he when Maame Dɔkono and Doctor Rokoto were doing “yɛ waane waane waane a, ɛyɛ brɔde, anyɛ mankane” in the full glare of GTV’s one-dimesional camera they bought when colour TV was not fashionable? Kyekyekule!! If you don’t remember that song with ‘Kofi Salanga, Lala Tilanga’ in it, you can’t be a real Ghanaian. And even the Choco Milo advert with plenty kids at the beach and Choco Milo Space Ship descending from Choco Milo heaven? Yaw can never be serious.

So yeah, it’s good to read books, eh! That reminds me of Golden Baobab‘s yearly prize. They got Golden Baobabsome scrumptious prizes for different categories of kids writing and just hop over to their website and check out this year’s competition. Yeah, thank me later. If you can’t write a cool kids’ story and submit deɛɛ, there’s no hope, my friend, no hope for you.

Yes yes, I know I’ve not been writing as much as you want to read but if I don’t write, you too just be there eh? What do you want me to do? I’m not even tickled koraa mpo.

Ahaa, I’m going. They said a simple issue called counting of pink sheets is taking grown men with grey in their hair a heck of a time in the Supreme Court. Ei, people’s fathers! And they will say they used to top their classes when they were kids. Me deɛ I’m done.

They have come Again! Just like Me!

Ahaa, Ghana! I’m back here for you. And we seriously got to talk! Pull a chair and siddown! All the way.

How come, I took a short break, a really short break, and by the time I’m back, our president is dead and buried?! Some people talk too much. I’m sure Mr Mills just got tired of especially all those loud-mouth radio-politicians especially, who know 20pesewas change about running a country and yet spend their whole day in their studio-constituencies, bashing him till kingdom come. Well, he sleeps now, you shameless shout-about parliamentarians! (oh hey, it just hit me after typing that that maybe they’re called ‘parliamentarians’ because their job is to ‘parler’, French for ‘to talk’..lol)

Signage in Memory. Opposite Accra Mall, Spintex road.

Ok, so Mr Mills, rest in peace. I was in Houston for a couple of weeks but yeah, I’m back and good to see new buildings spring up all over Accra’s skyline. Hasn’t changed the fact that people are still hawking on our streets and making it look bad. And yes, one more thing I noticed on my return: the campaign posters have arrived..lol. And the traffic.

Ok, so Ghana is plastered all over with a certain Mr This or Madam That shouting out skyscraper-high promises from fashion-weekly-style posters. These politicians can actually wear nice smiles, trust me! Every four years on their campaign posters! One woman will easily win her constituency seat not for anything she has done but the good job photoshop has done on her image. You’ll fall in love with that thing, I tell you! Painted a Mona Lisa out of her, bless her heart. God will bless all beautiful MPs. Amen.

So they’re at it again. One person says he’ll let us attend Senior High School for free and everybody is strangling the breath out of him. Please, the man is bearing on 70yrs..lol. I spent one evening at my barber’s and the conversation went from this to that to that other, going back and forth until he started a long speech I knew better than to interrupt. He had dreamt something..No, he said it came to him in a vision and I was the first person he was sharing it with. Ok, Mr Barber, tell me!

He bought almost all of his hometown up! All of it! You see, I grew up in Akuse, just 30minutes drive from his hometown that I know so well. Mr Nat says he bought up all of Somanya and built a sprawling estate out of the thing and gave it back to the people, each one to one house. And then he built a stadium. And rightly so, aren’t both Accra Stadium and Kumasi Stadium utter jokes compared to the one he’s built in his vision? Plus swimming pools and hotels and huge markets and wasn’t his heart so kind that after all that, he just gathered all his townsfolk in a winding queue and called out one after the other, “Here you go, take! Your keys to a house. You here, the pools is your inheritance, hey kids on the street, you never will play football on that bare pitch again, understood? And you over there, will you spend a week in my hotel for free, seeing that you were kind to me some time ago?” And that wasn’t I a kind sir to be the one on whom he tells his plan that nobody else has heard?

Ei, Mr Nat!! You bought the town! Razed it down!! Built new houses. A Stadium grand enough to shame Accra. And then you just dished out keys like a fork-load of Indomie?? Ha! Politician!

So you see, the politicians have managed to work everyone into campaign mode. Nat didn’t say he was going to campaign after that for the constituency seat oo. But this one deɛɛ, how can you buy up the town? I mean, how? Plus, wasn’t it these same Somanya people who refused to give MTN a piece of land to put their communication mast on? Hehe…stingy people!

Houston Sky one evening. Looks like God is a painter too.

Ahaa, what was I going to say? It’s been so long since I put a post here, I think this one came to clean cobwebs. So please vote in December but don’t vote for anyone who can buy you a town, eh? It usually has bad consequences. Let me settle back in properly and then I’ll find time to tell you beautiful tooli from Houston. Nipa nso yɛ dɛn??

ORIGINAL NOKIA BATTERY, PEN-DRIVE, MEMORY CARD, CARD READER, PROMOTION

You know what I‘m going to talk about, right? Yep, me too!!

There are some Oriental-looking kids who seem to have cousins in every city of Ghana that I have visited! They sit with their moms in a small circle and plot till they see a suitable prey and then they strike. When you pass by their little army headquarters and their mothers set them on you, these children will hold you, hug you, tug at you, pull you, follow you, just do anything to turn the world upside down on you till you give them a coin, a note, anything! The thing is, they look poor: dirty, unwashed, unkempt. And to think that their mothers couldn’t look after the first born but went on to have the second and then the third born to increase her little battalion of bandits, make them a real sight to behold from a distance while they fleece it off someone…lol. I have seen these kids at work in Kumasi, and they look exactly like those I saw in Takoradi. Those in the different parts of Accra deɛɛ, sometimes when I see some at Circle and they are able to embarrass me till I squeeze a few pesewas from my pocket, I feel like beating the crap out of those I meet at Achimota right after picking a cab, thinking “aren’t you the kids I just gave money at Circle??” Their mothers may be sisters!

Defend Yourself
Defend Yourself

Oh, but some Americans too can be shameful papa! On Black Friday, when all American shops oblige to beat down the prices of all goods on sale, there is usually a fat rush to get previously expensive goods on the cheap. In Ghana, that is what we call a PROMOTION…‘donkomi’, when you get to Makola. They are promoting you, your money, their shop, their goods, just come and buy oo, come and buy. Last week, while people were heckling each other to stay ahead in the queue to get the cheap stuff first, one woman just pulled a can of pepper spray like the apocalypse was here. She blessed, anointed and baptised the rest of her queue-mates with it, no mercy for dessert! Oh, their lives were never the same again. I guess she may have wished each of them a Merry Christmas as well while the security people bundled her away. The height of greed, as if America is not the world’s richest economy! Kindergarten kids koraa have stopped that. So 20th Century!

I was getting home from the mall yesterday when I picked a trotro at Legon. Some dude who kept repeating his name “Michael Acheampong, Michael Acheampong” was standing in this trotro and he told us his whole life’s story in that short period till I alighted. He had been stubborn, disobedient to his parents and had been sent to serve time in Nsawam Prisons for robbery! In the cells, they were served a fist-size of banku as lunch and the soup was a sorry apology to cuisine. In all his stubborn days, he wouldn’t listen. On the day he was thrown into jail, his dad told him he was on his own and shouldn’t expect any visits from him. His mother was more merciful, making sure he had a ration of gari every month! He, Michael, where was he going to keep this gari even? And if it got picked, anybody and everybody was a suspect!! Who was he going to ask if who has seen his gari?? Nsawam is like Ghana’s maximum security detention facility for those who don’t know. People frown at you all day over there like you are the one who read out their prison sentence. He went everywhere, and he means EVERYWHERE, with his gari. And at 4a.m., he would wake up and swap some of his gari with an inmate’s sugar and they would eat! He always gave out his banku, never developing the stomach to eat it. He fasted for days! The government will bring them bags of beans but it never, ever ends up in their food! When it does, it is like five little round ones ground in a cup of water. He lived in hell. But he was able to find pardon and escaped that horrible place, where he says people are gay out of no choice of theirs. That is ‘payment’ for the little pleasantries and semi-luxuries they can afford from each other!! For those who have no gari to pay with!

He survived that place and wants us all to obey our parents oo. He said all this in a trotro and I thought that sharing it here, you people might also hear it and that would give his message meaning!

Ok, just like those little kids who heckle you for money, EVERY town or city in Ghana has a joint where some young dudes sell you the items in the title. And they seem to be on a January-to-December promotion!! You can hear loud speakers blurting it from every corner you turn; “Original Nokia battery, pen-drive, memory card, card-reader, promotion” as if the ‘promotion’ is also an item for sale! And they may not even have all the items oo. It seems someone just recorded the thing and they play it saa, like music. Even orange sellers koraa will be playing…ok, ok, I’ve stopped!!

I’m going for Barcamp Ho today. I hope you will attend Barcamp Ghana on the 17th of December in Accra if you can make it. Between now and then you deɛɛ, just obey your parents, eh? And stay off the streets! The Christmas rush-drivers are back!

THE STRANGEST TALE FROM FLOODED TIDES! ACCRA

Accra has been flooding. Geez, this is October. People have lost their houses, property, a lot! It’s been outrageous. Oh, dear me! It just started again, the rain! It’s 2minutes after midnight on the 31st of October.

Flooded Accra
Flooded Accra

I’m in Accra. Last week, when the floods swept the city, I was in Takoradi. The whole thought that I had just left Accra two days earlier was some weird thing for me. When I came back here, I saw the streets had been swept clean of all the nonsense we throw on them but again, I saw that more than just nonsense was gone. Lives too!

My sister told me a tale on strange tides from where she had come. It was sickening. This is it. A woman had been driven out of her house by the flood waters at Kasoa. She was holding a baby and the current was strong enough for her to despair whether they were going to make it. Between her house and the safe place was a drain and a tree. She wanted to get to the tree and hold on to it without being pulled away by the rising waters, pity. There were people on the other side who wanted to help her with her baby but the current was strong and none could cross the drain. Then this desperation caused the woman to think: let me hurl my baby across to safety and then I can muddle the current to grab the tree. It breaks my heart now even….

People were ready on the other side to grab her baby and so she threw her baby across the drain. A mother’s desperation to save her baby so she could be the only sacrifice if she doesn’t make it! At least, let the baby live. And with the force of the current now, she couldn’t hold the baby and grasp the tree effectively. They’d all be swept away.

Her baby fell in the drain!

Oh God.

And got carried away! Swept away!

The woman clung onto the tree for dear life. I can’t come to imagine how she felt holding that tree like one crucified, unable to jump in after her baby, how she will live the rest of her life knowing that she was the last line of defence for her baby’s life. Her baby died.
I’m so sorry for this woman. This is a sorrowful episode. I don’t know her, have never seen her, don’t even know her name. But if I think about what a child means to a woman, it’s all too heart-breaking.

It’s 20 minutes after midnight now and the rains are getting stronger. This is the kind that could easily flood again. I don’t know how much we will have to endure and for how long but I will stay up tonight and observe how much rain will fall. And I will pray. That is sometimes the only tool you have, looking out of your bedroom window in the dead night at the droplets coming down with no intention to stop.

I hope no one dies again. I pray.

FREE, ORACLE-SPONSORED PROGRAMING BY CODERS4AFRICA! LET’S GO, EH?

Clap clap clap!! Ok, people, listen up!!

How about we dig into some tech stuff right now, you and I, huh?

Ok, GH, stand up!! There’s a group shining out of Maryland, USA, descending on our nerdy heads with the next best thing coming after my post on Barcamp Takoradi and Garage48. Now, Coders4Africa deserves much love, y’all. Let me hear some noise in the house already. Yep, yep, that’s how we do it. Now sit up and listen up!!

Coders4Africa, is an NGO based in Maryland, USA with an initiative to provide FREE professional training on a variety of programming platforms (such as Microsoft, Google and JAVA), frameworks and tools to 1,000 African software and application developers by the year 2016. One of their main goals is to create a strong community of software developers that share and transfer knowledge among themselves and to future generations of African programmers. They want to present Africans a different perspective, participating in the African ICT revolution as programmers, developers and engineers and not simply as consumers and super users.

Coders4africa
Coders4africa

Their next conference is at the AITI in Accra June 18th and 19th and is sponsored by Oracle. Tell me you are not excited already and let me cross-check your will with you first before I read your death sentence out in one sentence loud and clear, banished to eternal glory. Ahaa, the thing is that you guys love Ghana. You love to hear Gh in the news. This group has a Ghanaian partner as part of a West African team and comes right after I read a now-archived post about Ghana becoming Africa’s next app developing hub to watch. What are you still waiting for??

So, come the 18th and 19th, please drag your laptops and your listless behinds all the way and let’s congregate at AITI for much-needed programming schooling. And it’s Free!!! FREEE!!
Read more here and pick the minds of the brains behind this heaven-sent deal right here.

I’m out. Stand Up!!

BACK TO GHANA- UNLOCK YOUR MIND – GARAGE48

One Team
One Team
I love stuff like BarCamps and idea-sharing meet-ups and I can’t seem to have enough of them. Guess what’s being launched today??? Garage48!! Yay!

Ok, don’t start giving me that “what is he talking about?” face because I have been away for a very long time. Let me tell you what this one is about and you’ll see. You’ll forgive me quickly.

Garage48 is the ultimate original solution to reversing brain drain and improving local innovation. Think about it. More Ghanaian peeps study abroad, acquire skills and then never return. Some companies also insist on hiring expats who are paid ten times our local salaries (plus work permits, working cars, working accommodation, working everything) and who leave after a short time. And all this while, some brilliant Ghanaian mind that can do the same thing is being wasted. Not anymore!! There is a project that is bringing employers and back-to-Ghana employees together. And this is only one of the projects at the Accra launch today the 15th of May.

The project is called the Back to Ghana project and they have an audacious task ahead which they are bracing quite nicely. Let me put it in my friend Ethel’s own words, who is part of the team.

Back to Ghana brings back home talents from abroad and connects them with Employers and Business opportunities!
There are a lot of companies in Ghana who hire expat because they want somebody who has learned in foreign university and have experience of working in Europe, States, wherever. But there is a lot of Ghanaians out there with same values. So why hire an expat for who you need to get a work permit (which is very expensive) and who most probably will leave after few years working here when you can hire a Ghanaian with same knowledge and who does not need a work permit to be hired in his home country and who would be a much more permanent and more loyal employee.
Or if you have gained your business management degree abroad – very good! But come and start your business back home – it’s easier here!

I totally agree with this project. And why not, it’s about bringing all those wonderful Ghana peeps back home. Anything for Gh. (Guest blogger Abena calls Gh her own modified version ‘jee aych!’ It’s cool, ankasa, anaa?!!)

So Garage48 is supposed to bring creative innovators together. People who have a solution to local problems like matching home-seekers with landlords, an EazyResponse app that helps schools get in touch with parents via constant notification, an Electronic Personal Assistant , Housing Directory, a Unified Public Private System for document sharing, archiving and retrieval by institutions and an online retailer. That’s awesome.

So, drag your lazy, home-sitting behind all the way to the Kofi Annan Center today and witness the Ghana launch and I tell you you’ll be a better person for all you’re worth. And support the Back to Ghana project.

Follow their feed on twitter with the #GARAGE48 hash tag and get more info from their site here. Thanks to my Estonian pal Ethel Köök for drawing my attention. And look out for her group too, launching the Back to Ghana project. Site here

So what are you still waiting for, eh???

11 REASONS WHY GHANA IS THE 11TH FRIENDLIEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD

Every Ghanaian is a Black Star
Every Ghanaian is a Black Star

Did you read that article on the rating by Forbes? You people don’t read kraaa. Okay, here it is.
But I think there are some cool reasons why Ghanaians are the eleventh friendliest people as a bunch in the whole world. I’ll tell you why.

1. Oh, it’s nothing!!

Herh, Ghanaians can use this phrase papa. Anybody does anything even deserving of a sound slap and he can walk away cheap because the person who will deliver the slap will tell you, Oh it’s nothing!! My foot!! Go to Nigeria and see! They have been delivering hefty slaps since!! Typical Ghanaian: “Your house is on fire.” “Oh it’s nothing!”—–“ Your country is the 11th friendliest in the world!” “Oh, it’s nothing, really.” I mean….ah!!

2. Kelewele

Imagine that you have come from work. Your mind is on some serious fufu. You’ve got one chilled bottle of Alvaro in the fridge to wash all your sins away after that. It’s getting late and the fufu is not ready. Then you smell kelewele….

3. Weekends

Do you know how we spend weekends in this country? No. Nobody knows. We are always making noise: “Weekend, Weekend, Weekend, yaay…” but when it comes, no one knows what to do with it. Then we drag ourselves grumpily with our large heads of complaints out of bed on Monday because work or school has come!! Sankwas nkoaa..

4. Luis Suarez

The day Suarez pushed that ball out of goal, the whole nearly 7 billion of the world was watching. Then we didn’t find even one Ghanaian to punch him in the face…Yeah, right…we are friendly people….

5. Wembley

When Ghana played England last Tuesday, the world rocked to our gyama beats. The whole England turned into Nima for us, no size. We had our fun at the stadium to the extent that a certain Ghanaian boy called Danny Welbeck who had opted to play for England instead of us, started having second thoughts. He wanted burgers instead of aboolo. Now he wants aboolo…

6. Twitter

Some of you are still stuck on facebook. I can’t believe it. There was a certain December afternoon that #EnglishMadeInGhana was trending worldwide on twitter like hot cake. People were saying all sorts of funny, whack things in the name of Ghanaian English. And they were pointing accusing fingers at my blog too for contributing this article! What have I done? What have I done?? Me, I don’t like that oo, yoo!!

7. Our Daily Bread

Nobody has ever died of hunger in Ghana before. Do you know why?? We beg too much!!

8. Hearts versus Kotoko

People never play fair. The day Kotoko came from Kumasi to Accra and beat Hearts 2:0, the Kumasi people were chanting at the stadium that because Kotoko has won, then Akuffo Addo and the NPP too should be given the 2012 presidency just like that. Hearts people didn’t talk. The last time Kotoko people came to do such foolish things at the stadium, we know who went home with a swollen face….

9. Satellite Dishes

Now, even if you pass by a mud hut, you will see a polished dish smiling into space. Yes, we are happy people…lol

10. Asamoah Gyan.

Ah, this guy is supposed to just play football and score. But since we sent him into the world, he has been dancing saaa, what do you think the world will think about us??

11. Ghanaian Movie

It has to be up to part 11, at least, otherwise nobody will buy it. Herh, we are so happy…

HAVE YOU GOT ANY CREATIVE IDEAS? WE ARE SCOUTING!!

Okay, listen up! You people all talk too much!!

Initiative
Credit: MSNBC photoblog
I saw this cute pretty picture of an Egyptian woman affectionately blessing a policeman on the cheek in horrid broad daylight last week, when they were stressing their country’s president to get the hell out of the Pharaoh’s own country. The thing is this: if you are a Muslim woman in a Muslim country, you have not even a teaspoonful of a right to go kissing anybody in public, no way!! So the woman had what I call I N I T I A T I V E; you all sitting there and letting pretty loves walk away from you for the lack of it. It’s two days after Vals day and people have already scrubbed that old joke dry by which guys pick a fat beef with their girls just days to Valentine, giving them the right to keep off conversation for the whole period, with the intentional intention to save money on not buying anybody any horrendous gifts. Hehe..it works, I say. Right after Vals day, the beef is automatically settled. You ask me and I say that’s nansince!!

Yes, I was talking about initiative. People, I found some interesting group online doing marvellous things with that word. If you remember those boys scout days and how they polish you up like a tin soldier ready to march away your troubles, just transplant that idea to how serious they are about finding out new ideas in West Africa and making the world know about it, and you got it right…hehe. Ah haa…what’s their name kraa again? Erm…um..oh, how can I forget? Shoot!!
Maybe when I say more about what they do, it will help me remember, yes? Thank you, thank you. A little patience, okay? Ahaa!!

Ei, this is serious oo. I still can’t remember their name! I remember that every week, they bring out two new ideas or ventures as well as analysis from relevant leading innovators and entrepreneurs. Plus, every month they host a week-long online debate, discussing innovation in Ghana and surrounding countries. I know that it is something something Scout but the first word is like…innovation, initiative, genius, mehhn!! I think they got it all and they look for it all too. Maybe that’s why one word doesn’t describe them well yet. Oh, but we will find it.

I remember reading an article from their site on Innovation and ..ahaa, I remember the name!! But if you think I’ll tell you right now, you got one thing coming for you. That article was on Inspiring A Generation of African Children’s Authors and I thought it was a lot cool because those old Ananse stories we have been telling ourselves are now so over-recited, we can even say them off our head in our sleep. And, Ghanaian children are tired of hearing them, we all know. So, scouting an idea like that is most welcome, see? We should hear more interesting stories coming up not too long coming. Oh, I wish I were a kid afresh!!

Okay, so the thing is this: if you have any interesting innovation or idea you want to share with the rest of the world, and you are in West Africa, and you have been winking in the dark at that lady, meaning that nobody sees what you are doing, please, get in touch with The IDEA SCOUT right now and…oops, I let the name slip!! It’s your fault, letting me talk so much…

The Idea Scout
The Idea Scout
Yes, The Idea Scout will find you out and spread the word about your work like the Gospel, even political campaigns will look silly in comparison. I think it all works out well. So the idea is to get you connected to the coolest investors and also to get the coolest investors know where to invest their money.

My friend works in an office where, when somebody mistakenly dozes off mouth-open, the rest of the squad set on to making the silliest jokes about why you can’t find a fly when you need one!! To fly straight into that mouth and wake you up till kingdom come. They are joking!! But seriously, I think everybody’s got to go sleep and wake up with big dreams for the Idea Scout. Be you a budding entrepreneur, start up executive, management consultant, marketing director, trend watcher, journalist, private investor, business development officer, venture capitalist, NGO director, social activist, part of the diaspora, or just discontent with the normal way of doing stuff, theideascout.com can provide you with the widest-smile of an inspiration.

Let’s get to work and make this happen for us all, have you heard?? Start right now and click here. There you go…you have opened a door to seamless opportunity. No, that door is like the door to the world for your innovation and The Idea Scout has been keeping the key for like forever, where the heck have they been all this time even?

Yoo, let’s keep the black star shining wherever we go and let’s get serious about it, eh? And when you start something pretty creative, just be sure that you know where to go to make it advertised for you. As for me, (singing) “I’ve got my mind made up..and I won’t turn back…”

GHANA HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART LETTER BLUES

I visited Ghana Post the other day to pick a letter and was surprised that there was less traffic coming and going than there was when I was in JSS. Maybe mobile phones and internet have slowed down the business but I think they have also shut down the golden years of our sweet letter-writing days. Those days of libilibi and labalaba! Eisshhh!! Those days! Please, Ghanaian JSS and SSS sweetheart letters are some of the biggest tragedy papers in all of literature. How we loved our lines!! Here are some of the best 10 opening, insert and closing lines that we copied and hid in our back-pockets so that we can use them on our next letter. Shieeh!!!

1. Dear Sir/Madam: If you are Madam, I love you…

Oh, no! Don’t laugh! It’s not funny. This is exactly the type of thing the government pays teachers to discourage.

2. It is the seven colours of the rainbow: black, blue, red…… that have given me the opportunity to pen you this missive [sic]

Black?? In the rainbow?? Unbelievable!! I met one guy at the mall the other day who actually got his high school nickname from this line. They call him Black Pen.

3. The brightness of the sun has given me the warmth to jot down these words ….

I can’t imagine how warmth has got anything to do with writing any sort of thing in this world. I think the sun was created for other things. Or?? And to jot?? I shake my head at all victims of this line.

4. By the grace of God, I love you…

Please, young man, if you have the grace of God, use it for other things, eh? Don’t try to conspire with the old man up there.

5. You are the only sardine in my chop box, the only mosquito in my net, the sugar in my tea…

Seeing how important it is for a boarder to have tuna in his box, the first one is totally accepted. Granted! But how can you call your sweetheart a mosquito in your net?? How good a thing is that? The health people will pay you a fortune to swat that intruder and make the insect number count one less, thank you!!

6. You are my Angelina…

This one was made popular by a chant my boys used to raise on our way to the stadium back in the PRESEC days. Something like “Angelina, the boys are coming. Angelina” 2x. Then the crier will continue… “Aawo, Aaawo, Angelina!! Aawo, Aaawo, Angelina!! Heeey, Angelina!!!” We used to die for this one. And also for the fact that many of the highlife bests of the day used Angelina as the central principal beauty to die for in their hits, it only made this line weighty enough to tell your sweetheart. Any young lady who wants to change her mind about you and you include it in your letter that she’s your Angelina, you have settled the scores. Period!!

7. I love you 99%; just add 1% to make it 100….

But how??

8. I love you like harmattan pawpaw…

If you haven’t tasted harmattan pawpaw before, you have slacked big time. The fat, juiceless, hardened brand that even the dry season birds are afraid to peck at? Yes, that one. To look in your girl’s face and compare your love for her to harmattan pawpaw!! Not fair koraa. I hear this one has a success rate of about 70%. Not bad, eh?

9. On the back of the envelope: “Guess Who?”

It always came up. It always did.

10. I need to pen-off here with much greetings….

Greet on, my brother. And as for penning-off, freshly Ghanaian.

So, those dudes at Oxford and co. who add words to the dictionary should take a vacation to Ghana, don’t you see? It will swell the English phrase vocabs by a mighty leap. There are countless sweetheart letter lines that we used to use. I can’t even remember them all. I bet you have some tight line that I missed. Tell me, and let’s update the list, or what do you say?